Realizations (6/3/2019)

Dear friends and family,

This week was a trip.

It was a lot like last week. I basically went through the exact same thing all over again only on a deeper level. I mean, literally we had another exchange like the one with the Training Specialists only this time it was with the Assistants to the President. It went similarly well. I definitely feel like I'm not the most effective missionary. But that's okay.

Friday though was the big one. My companion, who is diabled, let me know some of the things I've been doing that haven't been very good. I took it to heart. Realized a lot of things. Went through some ups and downs the next few days feeling like the dust of the earth. But I came out on top.

I just realized that the Devil has deceived me for so long. I was deceived by having almost unknowingly accepted the worldly philosophy Korihor proposes, namely that "every man fares according to the management of the creature" (to paraphrase). In other words everybody's worth is tied to their performance, their skill, their intelligence. I never really thought about it but that is what I've always believed about myself and about others. Being with my current companion made me realize that that is a philosophy of the world, a philosophy of Satan. God does not spread that belief because it isn't true. I know from recent experience that Satan does not want me to learn and accept that God is God and I am not.

Another realization: as I thought of how I've treated my trainee, Dale G. Renlund's example came to mind, the one of Satan vs. Jesus. If Jesus were teaching a child to walk and the child stumbled, He would encourage the child, help him get up, and encourage the next steps. If Lucifer were teaching a child to walk and the child stumbled, he would scream at the child and tell him to quit trying.

The fact that my natural inclinations leaned more towards Lucifer's--due to my longtime acceptance of Korihor's theory/Darwinism/whatever--really...well...struck me to the core.

With regards to understanding how to be Christlike, I thought I had it all figured out about a third of the way through my mission...now I know that I don't. I barely understand how to be kind and compassionate, which is extremely disconcerting. Realizing that, I feel very raw and exposed still. I've come many miles, but I have a million more to go. I've resisted the Spirit of God without knowing by holding onto incorrect doctrines for so long.

Little did I know all those years of reading 2 Nephi 9:28 that it applied very much to me, thinking foolishly that I knew stuff...

O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

I desperately want to develop the patience, kindness, charity, and faith that I now know I lack. One great thing that God led me to was this talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf that I was unfamiliar with. It's now one of my favorites. Here is a sample from it:

"Why would anyone walk through life satisfied with the light from the candle of their own understanding when, by reaching out to our Heavenly Father, they could experience the bright sun of spiritual knowledge that would expand their minds with wisdom and fill their souls with joy?

"When you and I talk to people about faith and belief, don’t we often hear, 'I wish I could believe the way you do'?

"Implied in such a statement is another of Satan’s deceptions: that belief is available to some people but not to others. There is no magic to belief. But wanting to believe is the necessary first step!

"God is no respecter of persons. He is your Father. He wants to speak to you. However, it requires a little scientific curiosity—it requires an experiment upon the word of God—and the exercise of a 'particle of faith.' It also takes a little humility. And it requires an open heart and an open mind. It requires seeking, in the full meaning of the word. And, perhaps hardest of all, it requires being patient and waiting upon the Lord.

"If we make no effort to believe, we are like the man who unplugs a spotlight and then blames the spotlight for not giving any light.

"Recently I was surprised and saddened to hear of an Aaronic Priesthood bearer who seemed to take pride in the fact that he had distanced himself from God. He said, 'If God reveals Himself to me, then I will believe. Until then, I will find the truth relying on my own understanding and intellect to light the way before me.'

"I don’t know this young man’s heart, but I couldn’t help but feel terribly sorry for him. How easily he rejected the gifts the Lord was offering him. This young man had unplugged the spotlight and then seemed self-satisfied in his clever observation that there was no light. ...

"When we choose to believe, exercise faith unto repentance, and follow our Savior, Jesus Christ, we open our spiritual eyes to splendors we can scarcely imagine. Thus our belief and faith will grow stronger, and we will see even more."

- Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Be Not Afraid, Only Believe"

I implore you to be humble and accept God's truth's over man's ideas. I know the difference now, at least better than I did.

This week we did have a cool experience that proved humility brings blessings. The same day, I believe, that Elder Whitcomb helped me see what I need to do to improve, we went by a Muslim family we had set up an appointment with. Only the father, Mustafa, was there. He fed us a few delicious dates, we sat down and started talking. Feeling very humbled that afternoon, I sought the Spirit to know how to approach the lesson. He wasn't terribly open, but we managed to have a conversation with him about the Atonement of Christ and how God has saved us through His Son.

Here's the miracle: by the end, we left him a Book of Mormon and committed him to read it and pray about it. He said he would.

Be humble, and God will lead you by the hand and give you answers to your prayers. Accept His will, trust Him with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding.

The journey of self-improvement is never over...but with Christ as my guide I'll make it one day. Or rather, I'll make it day by day.

He does give good gifts. I know I don't deserve anything God has given me.

Please continue to pray for me. And pray for a new person we've begun teaching, Shawn, and his family who I believe are very prepared for the gospel. They came to the ward's Memorial Day picnic, invited by a member family who introduced us. On exchanges we taught the Restoration and it went super well. (Sadly he didn't make it to church.) And pray for Clara, a 9-year-old girl who may be getting baptized this Saturday though that's still up in the air. Pray I can be humble enough to receive more of God's miracles.

Love,

Elder Gallagher

PIC: District Council with special guests, the zone leaders. After which I received a much needed priesthood blessing from one of our zone leaders after a day where I basically had fallen apart.

P.S.: Another miracle just happened a minute ago as I write this. A member called and said she'll buy us some Chick-Fil-A tomorrow evening. That's what I call a chicken tender mercy.

I'm so sorry.